Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
