Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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