Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
