I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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