so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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