Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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