so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
