I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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