never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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