I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
