girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
