My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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