Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I color on your dick again?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
