Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
