im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
