Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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