Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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