He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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