last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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