A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
