The best revenge is premature balding
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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