We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
