1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
