my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
