Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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