hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
