Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
