i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's never too late to be topless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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