She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
