his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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