When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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