Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize