She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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