Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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