I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
