I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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