He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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