So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
