i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
