The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
