I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
