just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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