I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
