The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
