Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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