shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
