$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
