For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
