Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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