I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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