My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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