A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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