New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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