I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
