I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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