I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
