Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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