I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
