i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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