if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
