Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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