I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
