I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
