someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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