I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
