Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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