so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
