I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
