So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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